HOW WE CONQUER OUR FEARS & STRESS

My wife and I could not go anywhere on Thanksgiving Day as did so many other people.  So we spent the whole day calling family members and friends who live far away from us.  In most of the conversations we heard a recurring theme of fear and being stressed out.  In addition, people in our nation and around the world are gripped by fear and overwhelmed by stress.  The Covid-19 pandemic has intensified the situation.

Many have asked us this question: “How do you conquer your fears and control your stress and maintain such a joyful spirit all the time?”  Our answer follows.

Fear is a natural, powerful human emotion. It involves a universal biochemical response as well as a high individual emotional response. It alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological.  Fear can help us to protect ourselves and other times fear threatens us.

We all have things we fear.  I am afraid of dogs and thieves so I try always to be careful.  When I was much younger, I was bitten three times by dogs that were friendly to me before.  Thieves broke into my parents’ business on two occasions.  Thieves also robbed my brother’s business at gunpoint in broad daylight and shot him in the thigh.  I have had nightmares of these experiences.  My wife can’t swim so she is afraid of crossing over water on a narrow bridge or getting into a speed boat.

People, especially women that I know, fear spiders. Some fear snakes and heights.  Many fear the situations in which escape is difficult, including crowded rooms, open spaces, or situations that are likely to trigger a panic attack.  People fear thunder and lightning.  Others are fearful of injections.  These fears can become so severe that the victims avoid events, places, and people that are likely to trigger an anxiety attack.  Some people fear getting on an airplane or in a small boat or a crowded train or bus. There is the fear of germs.

There are many factors on how we deal with our fears and stress. The primary one is our spirituality.  We have a firm belief in God through Jesus Christ that is foundational to who we are and the way we live.  This belief flows out of our personal experiences.  Our spirituality is not a segment or part of our life; it is the core of our life.  It permeates our life like salt in food and light in a dark room.  There is much more to life than merely what we experience on a sensory and physical level.

Spirituality is not religion although religion may contribute to our spirituality.  Our spirituality helps us cultivate positive spiritual thoughts to overcome negative thoughts, feelings and behavior.

We belong to a Christian congregation where we socialize.  We experience tangible and lasting benefits from our involvement in this community, especially in the Prayer Ministry of the congregation.  Along with our gratitude this particular involvement does have distinct positive effects on our well-being.

We believe that prayer, as a vital part of our spirituality, contributes to our satisfactory physical health, better psychological well-being, reduced stress, and resources to deal adequately with the demands and challenges in life.

Nurturing your spirit gives us a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and our fuller understanding of and connection with God.  This enhances our fulfillment contentment, and joy in life.

We allow ourselves to experience God’s loving presence.  We believe that God’s Spirit lives within us and goes with us everywhere.  Always remembering that God is with us and will never leave or forsake us, we are free of negative fear and anxiety.  We are conquerors in Christ through God who loves us.  We are over-comers.

When we read the Bible and see the development in science and technology we hope and believe that one day there will be the end to war, the end to injustice, the end to captivity, the end to sickness and affliction, the end to fears and sorrow, the end to scarcity, and even the end to death. This is positive spiritual thinking founded on the promises of God who is faithful.

Are you fearful about your future because of what you are hearing and seeing on television?  Fear is sometimes created without sound information or based on false news.  All sorts of ideas that cannot stand up to scrutiny are floating around and people are fearful because they accept the falsehood.

In the United States of America, because of lack of leadership in the government, over three hundred thousand people have died and over seventeen million have been infected by of Covid-19.  These staggering numbers continue to increase and have had a devastating effect on the economy and on almost every family.  Fear is sweeping across the nation.

There is an epidemic of weakness in our society. Those in authority are inflicting fear on us.  The culture of fear is infiltrating our lives, leaving us in a state of paralysis.  Politicians tap into the emotions of worry or fear to manipulate people to support them.

The threat of unemployment fills every thought of tomorrow with fear.  The fear of death plagues many families because of Covid-19.  Young people are giving up hope.  Fortunately, the vaccines to deal with the Covid-19 virus are ready for distribution.  There is hope in the face of fear.

We are grateful to the scientists who developed the vaccines and the doctors, nurses and other first responders who are making tremendous sacrifices to take care of us.  We cannot thank them enough.

My wife and I live our lives by faith and not by fear.  Our trust is in our heavenly Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.  We obey the admonition, “Do not be afraid.”  The truth has been revealed, death has been conquered, and God is on our side.  There is nothing to fear.  Perfect love casts out fear.  Beyond the suffering and pain of the crucifixion lay the joys and triumph of the resurrection.  Christ who loved us has given us the victory over the greatest enemy which is death.  We live with eternal joy in our hearts.

Nothing in life ever happens apart from courage and commitment.  We have to be brave and resilient. We accept God’s challenge and promise to Joshua, “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged.” Then the Lord promised, “The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

The Apostle Paul tells us that it is impossible to be separated from the love of Christ.  His sacrificial death on the cross is proof of his unconquerable love.  God shows us how great God’s love is so that we can feel totally secure in God.  In Christ we are more than conquerors, and his love protects us from any and all forces that seek to steal our joy.  We can overcome every fear and challenge if we believe these over-powering assurances.

During the early 1960’s there were serious racial conflicts in Guyana where I was a teacher at the time.  There was a general strike which lasted eighty days.  I broke the strike, so I was assigned to a school some distance away from home.  I rode a bicycle and had to pass several villages populated by people of a different race from mine.  I saw people beaten up and on one occasion someone was killed just a few yards from me.  I was never afraid and I was never hurt.  I was ready to accept whatever happened.

  “Fear not” is used on many, many occasions in the Bible.  Why? Because fear does not accommodate faith.  And where there is fear, there is no peace. Fear brings with it anxiety, worry, apprehension, dread, restlessness, panic and tension – none of which leads us to feeling calm, peaceful, relaxed and stress-free.  How can we experience peace when our mind is filled with fear?

The Prophet Isaiah recorded the words of God who said, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”- (Isaiah 41:10).

“There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4: 16b-17).  Because God is love, when we share love with others we are demonstrating that God truly lives in us and we are strengthened to overcome our own fear.

Fear is an anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience. President Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”  In every circumstance of our life, we either operate by faith or in fear. All of us have our own fears.

Are you afraid of losing your job?   Do you have fears about your health?  Do you experience sleepless nights thinking about your finances, your family or your future?   The list could go on and on because all of us have things that cause us to be fearful.  We do not count sheep to fall asleep we focus on the good Shepherd and count our blessings.

Here are fear and worry statistics from U.S. National Institute of Mental Health, Sep. 4, 2016:

Percentage of things feared that will never take place: 60%.   Percentage of things feared that are considered to be insignificant for you: 90%.  Percentage of things feared in relation to health that will never happen: 88%.

Fear that helps us respond to a dangerous situation is protective fear.  When I was a pre-teen boy I went to my grandmother every evening.  She lived alone about three miles away from our home.  I rode a bicycle.  There was about a half mile stretch of road that was lonely and dark and someone was murdered in this area.  Sometimes I would feel afraid when I reached that spot.  I would whistle and pray and somehow I would feel the presence of the Lord.  I would remember that God promised to be with us.

Our greatest fear should be of sin – failing to meet God’s standards and expectations of us – and its consequences.  If we are afraid of the consequences of our sins we would be quick to confess our sins knowing that God is merciful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.  We should not let sin harbor in our hearts. A life infected by sin cannot survive.

Chronic fear is dangerous for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  When fear persists it causes anxiety, stress and depression.  Fear can keep us from engaging in activities we should do.  We do not allow fear to torment us and rob us of our joy.

We normally respond in two ways to our fears.  We can take flight or we can stay and fight.  But here is a third and the best way we overcome our fear.  We ask God to fill your heart with love because perfect love drives out fear.  Fear cannot reside where there is faith and love.

We commit our fears to God because God is with us.  God strengthens us and helps us; God upholds us with God’s righteous right hand.  We follow the example of the psalmist who wrote, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you (God)” (Psalm 56: 3). “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears” (Psalm 34:4).

Someone said, “Fear is a very distracting, disturbing, confounding passion; it is a kind of besetting passion that makes men lose themselves, especially if it be in the extremity of fear; it arises from an apprehension of some unavoidable, insupportable evil growing upon a person.”

All of us encounter frightening situations.  None of us is immune to trouble.  Some people are afraid when their strength or health is failing.  For instance, my ninety-one years old brother experiences weakness in his legs and expresses his fear of falling.  We have met retirees who are afraid that their financial resources will be depleted before they die.

In every circumstance in life, people either operate in faith or in fear. Maybe you’re afraid of losing your job or you anticipate failing health or reducing finances. The list could go on and on, for all of us have things that can cause us “fear.”

Fearfulness of spirit casts many slanders upon God – upon God’s power and faithfulness, God’s care and providence, the freeness of God’s grace, and the efficacy of the sufferings of Christ.  We are always safe in God’s hands, and fear is really unbelief.  It dishonors God.  It demonstrates lack of trust in God.

Are you afraid that your marriage may fail?  Are you fearful your children will not turn out the way you expect?  Are you scared that your aging parents will not have sufficient money for their healthcare?  Are you afraid that you may lose your job or your home or your spouse?  Fears multiply when we focus on them.  Redirect your focus to God and experience a miracle.

A genuine faith in God can help dispel our fears.  Someone said death is the darkest valley in life that we must travel.  But the psalmist assures us that if God is our shepherd we have abundant promises and assurances.  Jesus said he is the Good Shepherd who can give us the power to overcome our fear of our greatest enemy, death.  He does not only provide for life’s necessities but he also gives us confidence, comfort and cheer.

Jesus walked our paths so he knows our fears.  He knows how we feel so he provides comfort.  He turns our fears and tears into laughter, delight, excitement, hope and joy.

We handle some of our fears by guided imagery.  For instance, we close our eyes and our imagination takes us to Negril beach in Jamaica where we lived.  It was always a wonderful experience when we visited there.  We sit on the beach, listen to the waves, breathe in and smell the aroma in the air, and feel the warm sand underneath our feet.  We cast our troubles in the sea and we feel free of any burden. This is always a calming experience and we return to reality with new energies to move on.

Other techniques we use to conquer our fears and overcome our stress are meditation, breathing, walks, receive and give hugs, mindful of our diet, plan our leisure, engage in self-talks, practice yoga, express gratitude, prioritize exercise, and maintain self-care.  Many of these are interconnected in the way we engage in them.  We do not like compartmentalization.  We believe in integration.

In our meditation we would repeat affirmations from the Bible while we control our breathing.  One of our more popular ones is this.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  I can overcome my fears.”  While we are saying these words we pay attention to our breathing.

Yoga helps us calm our body as well as our brain and our emotions.  This is wonderful for stress reduction and fear destruction.  While breathing we think of the eternal peace that we enjoy. We exhale fear and stress.  We experience a sensation of wholeness and balance.

We engage in yoga, which combines physical movement, meditation, light exercise, and controlled breathing, three times each week.  This requires a long-term commitment in order to benefit from the practice.  We receive physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits.

When the weather is good,  we walk two miles every day five days each week.  When we can’t go outside we walk in the house.  This is good exercise.  We pray for our neighbors and we recite our affirmations.  Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are boosted.

Before we retired and were still actively engaged in ministry, we offered a hug to anyone who wanted one after each worship service.  We were amazed at the number of parishioners who wanted a hug.  In that brief moment, I would hear of a specific need which was responded to later.  On many occasions I was told that the hug inspired in them the courage and trust to share their concerns.  The hug was therapeutic.  Share a hug, it doesn’t cost anything but your love which increases rather than diminishes.

Now because of the effect of Covid-19, my wife and I give each other a good hug every morning after our devotional time.  We know about the power of touch and the benefits of a hug.  Through a hug oxytocin, which is associated with a higher level of happiness is released.  This reduces blood pressure and creates a sense of relaxation.

We are very careful about what we eat.  Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit so we take the responsibility to keep it healthy.  The Mediterranean Diet is our guide.  At eighty our health is excellent.  Olive oil, a variety of nuts, salmon, vegetables are staples for us.   Balance in our diet is important.
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”  Our leisure and vacation times have always been as significant to us as our work times.  We have experienced what happens to workaholics.  They may impress others but they destroy themselves and their families.  We are stewards of our time as well as our being and so we plan carefully to get the benefits of both work and rest.  The Sabbath is to remind us that we need relaxation and rest to facilitate renewal.
    Our self-talks help motivate us.  Again we use our scriptural affirmations and promises.  We personalize them.  They are spiritually positive and fill us with enthusiasm and motivation to pursue our goals.
Our hearts are filled with gratitude and feel happier with life.  All we are and all that we have achieved are gifts of God’s grace and contributions of other people.  We could not be who we are on our own.   Acknowledging this fact makes us humble and expressing gratitude helps us to feel the love that surrounds us and empowers us to triumph over fears and stress.  God’s gifts to us and the people who support us help us to live the fulfilled life.

Our disciplined life uses exercise as a part of our daily routine.  We appreciate the total health value of exercise so we always look forward to this part of our daily activities which contribute to managing our stress and improving our mental, physical and emotional health.

Self-care has been defined as a multidimensional, multifaceted process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being.”  Self-care is a top priority for us.   It is not luxury.  It is vital for building resilience toward those in life that are difficult to eliminate. When we take steps to care for our mind and body, we are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and to live our best life.